Titus Connection Volume 19, Number 6, June 2025

Greetings.  This is a unique Titus Connection as one article will server for the main leadership teaching and the youth ministry teaching because what is shared fits both areas.   This article is the first of another one or a possible two articles on the subject.  I prayerfully share this with you.  Mike

I was not sure if I should do this.  What if he did not recognize me or was not physically capable of having visitors.  That and many more excuses flowed through my mind as I drove up to the assisted living facility to see one of the most impacting person I have had in my life.  After not seeing him for over twenty years, today was the day I needed to express my appreciation and thanks for believing in me.
Mr. Chuck Ingelse was my high school Spanish teacher, nearly fifty years ago.  “Oh Lord, don’t let him die before I have the opportunity to say thank you to him for what he meant to me”.  That prayer I prayed over and over for several weeks after learning from his sister that he was still alive at 85 and where he was living.  For over two years Mr. Ingelse was living in the assisted living facility because he was now blind and his wife who had just recently passed away, could not care for him at home anymore.
Walking into his room, I had butterflies in my stomach.  There he sat in his wheelchair, waiting for me because his sister had let him know I was coming.  How should I address him because he was still “Mr. Ingelse” to me because he was one of my teachers?  As soon as I said hi, the smile I had known fifty years earlier radiated across his face.
He was overwhelmed that a former student would come to visit him and even more humbled that he was being appreciated for significantly impacting a former student.  Chuck believed in me.  He cared for me, along with so many other students.  Teaching was his route to be able to empower and enable students to become what they were capable of.
We visited, laughed and reminisced.  Over and over he shared he could not believe a former student would come to visit him.  As we ended our time together, we made sure that we would see each other in heaven as he knows his Savior, Jesus Christ well and I had the privilege of praying for him.  Thank You Lord.
Wanting to visit Mr. Ingelse again, a year had passed.  With my mother’s death last September, each time traveling to our home area, the focus was assisting my dad.  Now I had extended time in my schedule, so I drove the 30 minute to see him again.
Though unannounced, he was overjoyed to see me again.  We spent over an hour sharing stories and talking about people we knew. Several times during our conversation and then again as I walked out of his room, he said, “I can’t believe Mike came to see me again.”   What sweet memories we have made of our visits.
I share this story because I had a problem with myself.  In my heart, Mr. Ingelse meant so much to me.  I appreciated him.  I was ever so grateful to him but the problem was I did not share that with Mr. Ingelse until a year ago.  How many other people fit in this problem with me?
Do you have this problem too?  I would have been extremely angry with myself if Mr. Ingelse would have died before speaking the truth of his significance in my life.  I know I could stand up at this funeral service and share with the attenders what he meant to me, but he would not have known.  Why do we wait until someone has died that we speak volumes of appreciation about the deceased person?
To me that is backwards or very poor logic.  I have told myself that I need to speak uplifting, impact communication into the lives of others.
Ephesians 4:29-5:2, “Don’t use foul or abusive language. Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them.  And do not bring sorrow to God’s Holy Spirit by the way you live. Remember, he has identified you as his own, guaranteeing that you will be saved on the day of redemption.  Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of evil behavior.  Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.   Imitate God, therefore, in everything you do, because you are his dear children.  Live a life filled with love, following the example of Christ. He loved us and offered himself as a sacrifice for us, a pleasing aroma to God.”
Verse 29 begins with the standard not to have unwholesome words like foul and abusive language coming out of my mouth.  This can include derogatory jokes and sarcasm.  Our culture is full of social media, TV, radio and printed words that tear down, destroy, inflame, dress down, ridicule others.  And if we can make it funny when we say those words, more people tend to listen.  Racism, anything “anti” and vengeance speech permeate our lives.
Have a conversation with the Holy Spirit and ask Him if your language contains any of this kind of speech, along with the type of potential language that comes out of our mouths.  He is the one to convict, though He will use fellow believers to speak truth into our lives.
Growing up, I would say, “farmer” rather the fouler language word that if you change a few letters after “f”, I would have said that foul word.  A wise older Christian stopped me one day and gave me wise counsel that I should be very careful how I use that language as it was clear I would say ‘farmer” when I really meant a more derogatory word.
Also in verse 29, we are to speak only what is helpful to build up the person according to their need.  Whatever I say, it needs to be good and helpful.  Let that sink in for a moment.  Does everything I say help another person and is what I always say good?
The jingle goes, “Sticks and stone may break my bones, but words will never hurt me!”  The person who came up with that jingle, lived in a bubble or was a sadistic person.  Words can quickly maim and destroy people.  A great deal of what is spoken in our world is not helpful in building up others.
In my prayer requests for another person, what I share, is it to build the person up or is it to make the person a little less significant, or they are getting what they deserve?
To build up someone, what I say should not make the person I am talking with think less of the person being spoken about.  Here may be another rule of a standard to follow; if what I say about the person being spoken about cannot be said to their face, then I should not say it when that person is not in my presence.
Slander can fall into this discussion and a definition of slander is making false and damaging statements about a person.  Does what I say about others completely truthful and honest?  But then add, even if it completely truthful, is what I am saying good, helpful or beneficial to the recipient of what I am saying?  Do I help the recipient by what I am saying or is it gossiping?
Then a third standard of what we say is that it should be beneficial to the recipient.  We are instructed to speak the truth in love, “”Instead, we will speak the truth in love, growing in every way more and more like Christ, who is the head of his body, the church.”  Ephesians 4:15
But is everything we say beneficial even though it is the truth?  Or are we stepping into gossiping…
Proverbs 11:13 states, “A gossip goes around telling secrets, but those who are trustworthy can keep a confidence.”
Proverbs 16:28, “A perverse person stirs up conflict, and a gossip separates close friends.”
Proverbs 20:19, “A gossip goes around telling secrets, so don’t hang around with chatterers
What we say to others (and about others) is to build up, help them develop and grow to become who God created them to be.  Will what I say about the person, help that person grow to become more like what God created them to be?  This does mean I can correct a person if I follow that standard.  When I am discipling, correcting or reprimanding someone and I truly want to help that person become more like Jesus, then I am being beneficial to the recipient.
Here are several standards of communication to seriously consider.  Next month we will look further into this passage.