TITUS CONNECTION Volume 18, Number 2 – February 2024
WISE INTENTIONAL LEADERSHIP DEVELOPMENT
TITUS CONNECTION
Volume 18, Number 2 – February, 2024
Intentionally Developing Multigenerational Leaders
Throughout The World
TITUS CONNECTION
Volume 18, Number 2 – February, 2024
Intentionally Developing Multigenerational Leaders
Throughout The World
Welcome Everyone. As mentioned last month, we are continuing to take a look at team dysfunctions. After having discussed an absence of trust, now we tackle a fear of conflict. I hope these discussions encourage you and help to develop the teams you are on. Mike
Slippery Slope of Team Dysfunctions –
Fear of Conflict
Fear of Conflict
People fear conflict because they do not trust people. They wait for the ball to drop or the “but” when told something, “You are really smart, but…”. When there is the inability to have conflict, individuals and teams are incapable of having passionate and unfiltered debate of ideas. People never tell the whole story or how they truly view something. If I open, people will probably not agree with my viewpoint. They will take what I said and tell others resulting in their commentary added and I will possibly be defaced and slandered.
With an absence of trust, the next resulting dysfunction is avoiding conflict. When we trust, conflict becomes the pursuit of excellence, getting the whole truth and coming up with the best answer. If I acknowledge that your idea or concept is better than mine, the fear and discomfort of conflict dissipates. When we want to get the best out of an idea or the person and know we can trust the person critiquing my idea, it may feel somewhat uncomfortable, but my teammates have my best interest in mind.
With a fear of conflict, we really cannot be harmonious with the person. We put on masks and say everything is fine when things are not fine. When the leadership team avoids discomfort and conflict among the team, that gets accentuated as this discomfort moves through the organization. Ask whether you are being a servant then?
It is not okay to hold back your opinions. Be respectful but bring your opinion to the meeting and share it. If a teammate disagrees, he/she has a choice: he can explain the disagreement and work through it or withhold his opinion and allow disrespect to creep in for his colleague. Withholding opinion equals frustration and disrespect.
Team leaders need to model appropriate conflict behavior and be willing to deal with conflict correctly when the situations arise to deal with it. It is important to mention that people, especially the team leader, may want to fix the issue and minimize the conflict. Resolution needs to occur properly and naturally. The tendency is to put a band-aid on an artery that is gushing blood. No one wins in that scenario.
Why do most people dislike and hate conflict so much? Perhaps they were burned or discredited by others or their need to be liked by people is so much greater than their willingness to be honest and forthright. Relationships can get messy during conflict. Plus we do not know everything, we tend to hold back because someone will fire back with something that may make us look silly or stupid.
In our world, the message is if you disagree with me, then you and I cannot have a relationship, or worse, that you hate me. For some people it is difficult to separate ideas from the person so having a conflict means I am having a conflict with her character or identity, when it is simply disagreeing on an idea or thought.
When dealing with conflict, stick to the concepts and ideas, avoiding personality-focused mean-spirited attacks and accusations. Otherwise, back-stabbing personal attacks, or having the meeting after the meeting result. Not having healthy discussions cause issues to be revisited, wasting people’s time. Team success is dependent on discussion of controversial topics. People will tend to not have a “voice” sharing their opinions and viewpoints even though they are sitting in the group. If conflicts are a personal level, then deal with those issues one-on-one or with the appropriate people.
Encouraging your team to each have a voice real time permission is working to receive quality immediate feedback. Remind people this is important because this reduces guilt, which is you are actually helping the team. Concrete, clear expectations and guidelines are needed. Be willing to get everyone’s opinion; their voice is important.
Read Matthew 16:21-28. Did the apostles have discussion over the things Jesus said to them or to the crowds? Did Jesus ever have conflict with the twelve apostles? The apostles were allowed to have a voice, to state their opinions and thoughts. Jesus dealt with the issues right away and kept the relationships sound.
Stay on task to resolve the issue(s). When things get heated, perhaps a time-out is appropriate to allow for clearer thinking. It is important to recognize the passion for the organization and is healthy if it does not get personal. Have members deal with hurts that come up in the meeting by dealing with them quickly before bitterness and unforgiveness develop.
Various cultures encourage conflict resolution by using a third-party discussion (the “uncle” model) and/or elders. They never or rarely are challenged. In any culture unresolved conflict is not healthy and very detrimental to relationships and team growth. Regardless of the process, work to resolve conflict.
If your culture allows you leeway to be able to go directly to the offender or one offended, go privately. If the person rejects you or tells you that you do not have a case, then get a witness to go with you and present your case and allow the offender to share their side. If things are not resolved, then get others involved, whether law officers or key people in the community. This is Matthew 18:15-17 in application.
As a young person, if not allowed to question an elder, go to an elder/wise person in your community and get their advice on what you should do. Stick to the facts and keep personal feelings out as much as possible. The person you go to needs to understand and live out not slandering nor destroying the offending elder. If criminal behavior has occurred, then law enforcement needs to be involved.
With an absence of trust, the next resulting dysfunction is avoiding conflict. When we trust, conflict becomes the pursuit of excellence, getting the whole truth and coming up with the best answer. If I acknowledge that your idea or concept is better than mine, the fear and discomfort of conflict dissipates. When we want to get the best out of an idea or the person and know we can trust the person critiquing my idea, it may feel somewhat uncomfortable, but my teammates have my best interest in mind.
With a fear of conflict, we really cannot be harmonious with the person. We put on masks and say everything is fine when things are not fine. When the leadership team avoids discomfort and conflict among the team, that gets accentuated as this discomfort moves through the organization. Ask whether you are being a servant then?
It is not okay to hold back your opinions. Be respectful but bring your opinion to the meeting and share it. If a teammate disagrees, he/she has a choice: he can explain the disagreement and work through it or withhold his opinion and allow disrespect to creep in for his colleague. Withholding opinion equals frustration and disrespect.
Team leaders need to model appropriate conflict behavior and be willing to deal with conflict correctly when the situations arise to deal with it. It is important to mention that people, especially the team leader, may want to fix the issue and minimize the conflict. Resolution needs to occur properly and naturally. The tendency is to put a band-aid on an artery that is gushing blood. No one wins in that scenario.
Why do most people dislike and hate conflict so much? Perhaps they were burned or discredited by others or their need to be liked by people is so much greater than their willingness to be honest and forthright. Relationships can get messy during conflict. Plus we do not know everything, we tend to hold back because someone will fire back with something that may make us look silly or stupid.
In our world, the message is if you disagree with me, then you and I cannot have a relationship, or worse, that you hate me. For some people it is difficult to separate ideas from the person so having a conflict means I am having a conflict with her character or identity, when it is simply disagreeing on an idea or thought.
When dealing with conflict, stick to the concepts and ideas, avoiding personality-focused mean-spirited attacks and accusations. Otherwise, back-stabbing personal attacks, or having the meeting after the meeting result. Not having healthy discussions cause issues to be revisited, wasting people’s time. Team success is dependent on discussion of controversial topics. People will tend to not have a “voice” sharing their opinions and viewpoints even though they are sitting in the group. If conflicts are a personal level, then deal with those issues one-on-one or with the appropriate people.
Encouraging your team to each have a voice real time permission is working to receive quality immediate feedback. Remind people this is important because this reduces guilt, which is you are actually helping the team. Concrete, clear expectations and guidelines are needed. Be willing to get everyone’s opinion; their voice is important.
Read Matthew 16:21-28. Did the apostles have discussion over the things Jesus said to them or to the crowds? Did Jesus ever have conflict with the twelve apostles? The apostles were allowed to have a voice, to state their opinions and thoughts. Jesus dealt with the issues right away and kept the relationships sound.
Stay on task to resolve the issue(s). When things get heated, perhaps a time-out is appropriate to allow for clearer thinking. It is important to recognize the passion for the organization and is healthy if it does not get personal. Have members deal with hurts that come up in the meeting by dealing with them quickly before bitterness and unforgiveness develop.
Various cultures encourage conflict resolution by using a third-party discussion (the “uncle” model) and/or elders. They never or rarely are challenged. In any culture unresolved conflict is not healthy and very detrimental to relationships and team growth. Regardless of the process, work to resolve conflict.
If your culture allows you leeway to be able to go directly to the offender or one offended, go privately. If the person rejects you or tells you that you do not have a case, then get a witness to go with you and present your case and allow the offender to share their side. If things are not resolved, then get others involved, whether law officers or key people in the community. This is Matthew 18:15-17 in application.
As a young person, if not allowed to question an elder, go to an elder/wise person in your community and get their advice on what you should do. Stick to the facts and keep personal feelings out as much as possible. The person you go to needs to understand and live out not slandering nor destroying the offending elder. If criminal behavior has occurred, then law enforcement needs to be involved.
YOUTH MINISTRY –
Being With Jesus Should Reflect in Daily Life
Being With Jesus Should Reflect in Daily Life
What are you known for or what is your reputation? Everyone is known for something. In my interactions with young people, I am addressed as “Coach” because I have been a 7th and 8th grade coach (12- to 14-year-old students) for over 25 years in football. Non-youth individuals will often call me that religious guy that was the leader of the local youth ministry or now, the one who goes on trips a lot to Africa and Asia.
What we are known for is so often tied into what we do and obviously what people see in us. Due to that, how do your friends know that you have been with Jesus?
That question comes from Acts 4:1-22, specifically verse 13, “When they saw the courage of Peter and John and realized that they were unschooled, ordinary men, they were astonished, and they took note that these men had been with Jesus.” In whatever ways Peter and John were behaving and talking, people knew that these two guys had spent time hanging around with Jesus.
That could have come from people remembering seeing Peter and John with Jesus, but also in how they behaved and handles themselves. Their communication pointed people to Jesus. So often people, including Christians are trying to impress others by what they know or whose name they can drop into a conversation, revealing how important you and I are.
Peter and John were unschooled, not sophisticated in speech or etiquette but you knew where their allegiance and faith were. If I asked your friends about you, would they say you are a believer in Jesus because of how you lived your life?
If we have to wear a Christian slogan T-shirt to indicate that we are Christians, there is something wrong in the way we live our lives (not the fact we wear the shirt). St. Francis of Assisi has been given the notoriety of sharing this principle of always share the Gospel and when necessary, use words. How do people know we have been with Jesus?
The first step is making sure you have placed your faith and trust in Jesus to forgive you of your sins. Secondly, sit at Jesus’ feet, meaning spend time and nurturing your relationship with Jesus. Spend time with Him through reading the Bible. Memorize, meditate, discuss the Bible with other growing Christians, learn from them. Experience your faith through listening to and talking with God, serve others, perform acts of loving kindness and forgiveness Let people know that Jesus is alive and desires to be a part of their lives.
Being with Jesus gives you understanding and insight, wisdom that can challenge people. This is not book knowledge; it is being obedient and experiencing life, sitting at His feet and going through life together. Allow the Holy Spirit to control all areas of your life, developing the fruit of the Spirit in you (Galatians 5:22-23).
Cultivate and develop relationships with people. Get to know them. Listen to them. Experience life with them. In your conversations, attitudes and behaviors, share nuggets of Bible truth and tell them that you go to church, read your Bible and that you spend time with Jesus. Then when the opportunities come (and they will come), share what it means to be and how to become a Christian. Answer questions about your faith and when asked a question you do not know the answer, share you do not know and try to find the answer.
As Christians we have a responsibility to live our lives before others so that they will see what our relationship with Jesus means to us. Keep asking how do people know that I have been with Jesus? If people cannot see that you are different because of your faith in Jesus, evaluate where you are at with Jesus and obediently change what needs to be changed.
What we are known for is so often tied into what we do and obviously what people see in us. Due to that, how do your friends know that you have been with Jesus?
That question comes from Acts 4:1-22, specifically verse 13, “When they saw the courage of Peter and John and realized that they were unschooled, ordinary men, they were astonished, and they took note that these men had been with Jesus.” In whatever ways Peter and John were behaving and talking, people knew that these two guys had spent time hanging around with Jesus.
That could have come from people remembering seeing Peter and John with Jesus, but also in how they behaved and handles themselves. Their communication pointed people to Jesus. So often people, including Christians are trying to impress others by what they know or whose name they can drop into a conversation, revealing how important you and I are.
Peter and John were unschooled, not sophisticated in speech or etiquette but you knew where their allegiance and faith were. If I asked your friends about you, would they say you are a believer in Jesus because of how you lived your life?
If we have to wear a Christian slogan T-shirt to indicate that we are Christians, there is something wrong in the way we live our lives (not the fact we wear the shirt). St. Francis of Assisi has been given the notoriety of sharing this principle of always share the Gospel and when necessary, use words. How do people know we have been with Jesus?
The first step is making sure you have placed your faith and trust in Jesus to forgive you of your sins. Secondly, sit at Jesus’ feet, meaning spend time and nurturing your relationship with Jesus. Spend time with Him through reading the Bible. Memorize, meditate, discuss the Bible with other growing Christians, learn from them. Experience your faith through listening to and talking with God, serve others, perform acts of loving kindness and forgiveness Let people know that Jesus is alive and desires to be a part of their lives.
Being with Jesus gives you understanding and insight, wisdom that can challenge people. This is not book knowledge; it is being obedient and experiencing life, sitting at His feet and going through life together. Allow the Holy Spirit to control all areas of your life, developing the fruit of the Spirit in you (Galatians 5:22-23).
Cultivate and develop relationships with people. Get to know them. Listen to them. Experience life with them. In your conversations, attitudes and behaviors, share nuggets of Bible truth and tell them that you go to church, read your Bible and that you spend time with Jesus. Then when the opportunities come (and they will come), share what it means to be and how to become a Christian. Answer questions about your faith and when asked a question you do not know the answer, share you do not know and try to find the answer.
As Christians we have a responsibility to live our lives before others so that they will see what our relationship with Jesus means to us. Keep asking how do people know that I have been with Jesus? If people cannot see that you are different because of your faith in Jesus, evaluate where you are at with Jesus and obediently change what needs to be changed.